Love & Relationships- Let’s Talk
Happy Monday, everyone.
WARNING! I have had an incredibly emotional few weeks, so, more emotion showed than usual. I don’t really do emotions well… Let’s see how this goes.
While I was reflecting on a major life event, my mind kept going off on a tangent into relationships… Keep reading, it’ll make sense. I don’t chat about this stuff much, but, I’m here now so, let’s ride. First things first-
Cherish life in a much more meaningful way. I lost a very close friend of mine last week. It devastated me. Literally. He is the boyfriend of my best friend and father of my niece, Savannah, as I’m sure most of you who follow me probably already know. I catch myself thinking of him at points of every day and crying uncontrollably to the point where I often become nervous. I have pretty severe anxiety, but it’s controlled with medication when I feel as though I can’t handle it anymore. I have had panic attacks every night this week, I swear, something about darkness… It has a way of scaring you in a much more paralyzing way than daylight. I have learned throughout this whole process of grieving to cherish every single day of my life differently. Not to live every day as if it’s my last, because I don’t believe in that. I think that makes fear your motivator and I never believe that should be the case. However, DO live your days more intentionally. Cherish the little things. Understand your worth. Do not settle for less than you deserve. Which leads me to my next thought/story…
Love & relationships- let’s talk about it. I was in a relationship for the last 6 years. While we still communicate, we are at a point in our lives where we realize that this is not working given our current desires. Cool. Still, I have a lot of love for him and if he is for me, God will show me that. So, I started “seeing” other people until I found someone I enjoyed seeing more than once. Nightmare, by the way. Dating is NOT for me… If you like me, just propose LOL. Kidding. But anyways, this someone else. V Casually. But, fun. I am re-learning so many lessons and realizing so many things about myself in dealing with him. Here are a few-
1) When you decide to move on, CUT THINGS OFF with your ex. At the beginning of this whole thing, I felt very conflicted. I was not doing a single thing wrong, but I felt conflicted because of the ties we still had remaining. Until I cut them off completely, I didn’t enjoy things to their full potential. I would literally leave his house (new person) after a fun night in tears. Please, please take my advice and do not do that to yourself. Allow yourself to move on. Show yourself that you are capable of enjoying or even loving someone else. I know it feels like nothing will ever be the same and let me tell you, honestly, it won’t. But, you will find joy in new people and learn to appreciate the things they bring to your life. I am so grateful I am allowing myself to gently learn this lesson.
2) Remember why you moved on to begin with. Men are pretty slimy creatures sometimes and they will always disappoint you. Some worse than others, but nevertheless, all. I am very honest, very open and very transparent. I will always be, without exposing parts of my life I’m trying to keep personal. I know that the MOMENT you start sharing things publicly, they tend to go wrong. So… As much as I like him and enjoy spending time with him, there are things he does that PISS ME TF OFF. Literally, like every single guy. What else is new. But I have had to re-learn that I refuse to tolerate certain things. Disrespect, dishonesty, rudeness, inconsistency, NO! Abso-fuckin-lutely not. That weird, annoying, puppy stage of liking someone lets us think they can get away with more than they should. Put your foot down. Stand true in your values. Quit trying to fix people. Once they show you who they are, don’t make a single excuse. Believe them the first time, even if it hurts.
3) Set boundaries for your non-negotiables. Sounds ridiculous, right? See someone once, twice, a few times and set boundaries? YES. And every single time you’re with them, keep those boundaries in mind. Why? Because what’s the point of going down a road with someone who you like but know is wrong for you? I mean, if you’re into that, go for it. I’m not… Complete waste of time and energy. Not doin’ it. Either we vibe or you get left.
4) ALWAYS be kind. I have been on both sides of this. I have been pursued by men who have wanted nothing more than my attention and I couldn’t have cared less about giving it to them. I’ve also been on the side of desiring to have someone’s attention and it hurts like hell when they treat you as though you’re disposable. If you’re on this side, I have to offer something to you I wrote last week, it goes a little something like this-
“You only lose what you cling to.” I sat with this for a while… It suggests to me that there’s no concept of loss if there’s no act of clinging. As I said earlier this week, know the value of knowing your value. Stay away from people who make you feel like you’re hard to love. If they don’t make an effort to be a part of your life, gift them with your absence. Do not waste time clinging to people who don’t value you. Do not force conversations, friendships or interactions. There’s a message in the way people treat you… Just listen. If you’re on the other end of this, open your mind and heart bc life is short and people who work for your friendship, love, and time should be people you want around. That is GOOD energy, and it’s hard to come by. I’m guilty of this side of things, too.
YOU ARE MAGIC. Don’t ever let anyone let you think you are anything less. OTHER PEOPLE are magic. Don’t ever make them feel like anything less.
5) Follow your faith, not your wound. A lot of us have been very hurt by people in the past. I know I have. It’s extremely hard to recover from having your heart broken. It took me MONTHS to not be angry to see daylight and feel perpetually sad. Literally, months. It was the darkest time of my life and I pray that no one ever has to experience what that level of depression feels like. That being said, for many of those months, I was chasing to fill the very things that left me feeling hurt. I always thought that if I just got them, I wouldn’t feel hurt anymore. WRONG. It feels good for a moment, and when they hurt you again, it stings even worse because you thought you had it back. We all know how we want to be loved. Chase the faithful, romantic, heart that God has given you instead of the deep, heartbreaking wounds that people who don’t deserve you have left you with.
I like this topic, I will be discussing it more frequently. I’ve been through a lot, and as I learn to feel comfortable sharing those pieces of my life, I hope I inspire someone else to stay strong, know their value, and never settle for less than they deserve. I will say it again, if you are on the other side of this, take a good, long, HARD look at yourself in the mirror. God doesn’t bless those who are selfish or mean to their “brother or sister.”
I read this verse frequently-
“Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.” Romans 12:10.
And most importantly, always remember this-
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8